pictureofhappiness

Marcus and I are going to school. However, as some of you know we were taking on a full load, specially Marcus with playing on Sunday and practice on Mondays. Well, we have cut back. For us that is ok! We are learning what we can handle and how. I am just glad that I don’t have to worry about the registration part again. Well thats how school is going…..

Hay, how is everyone? Thanks for checking on me. I went on my trip to Denver, which is about the time we both stopped blogging. I didn’t get to say yet how awsome it feels to have my things back. It’s not just the material as the accomplishment of actually doing it. You see my mother (bless her heart) put all our stuff as young children in a storage and we lost it. Years later, I shared a storage with my mother and wasn’t allowed to get my things until she got hers!!! We lost it. A couple of years later I again had a small storage, and lost it! this was all local. So when I had to decide I was moving back to California, which required me to put things in a storage, there is a level of fear. But, this I was doing it as an adult and I swore ” AS GOD AS MY WHITNESS , I WILL RETURN FOR MY THINGS”( like scarlet”as god as my witness i shall never go hungry again!”) anyway…..    I never thought it would take so long and it did take while. I’m sure people(family) probably thought, I would loose just like my mother!!!!

Although, there are things I can wish my mother was more responsible about, this is not meant to be an attack on her. I know more then anyone her heart is probably broken. I just mention her in this way as too a early cycle I found myself in, and was hoping too find myself doing something differnt this time. Like actually being responsible and returning for belongings.

I don’t want to come across like I have an unhealthy view of possessions like they mean everything. If anything it has taught me the opposite.

 My only regrets are the pictures and mementos like that.

This as tought something about not being to materialistic or collecting to much. I believe it is ok to have pictures and what nots like that of children family etc… But, don’t have to many possessions you couldn’t part with.

I hope that was enough that you can see why this was not  a trip to just get stuff.

Thanks too everyone who was picking on me for not blogging!!!

Look Rob I found it:-)I have know idea how that was turned off.

Tomorrow, Marcus and I start school. Marcus is going to have a very crazy schedule. I do fill bad I have to admit, but it will be worth it . I tell him, and myself, not to look at like oh my gosh this is how it will be for the next few years, but to look at it like 3months that all we have to get through and so on. For me it makes it little easier to put into perspective. If we do this right its not like we have to be away from eachother all week. On Tuesdays, we have world religions together and on Friday night we our at least on the campus at the same time so we are able to take our breaks together. There will be other classes in the coming semesters that we will have in commen and can do the same, the nice thing with that is one set of books!

I should also have the names for my small group members something else am very excited about.

ok got to eat…….

God Bless

Well I am happy to say my husband and I both are registered for fall classes. I am excited! I know it will be hard work but >>>
We were both approved for the governors waiver for this semester and the next, after that I don’t think we will be so fortunate. But for right now its so awesome that we got and are classes are paid for.
YAH !

Today, was a very interesting day at work! I experienced something as a cristian that I never have before. I thought it would still be awhile before I did, but low and behold it happened today. Although, I am not surprised, surprised I just didn’t see it coming today. I understand that at work is a sensitive area as far as how we express our being christians. I have in the past read my bible in the lunch room or prayed while others could see or may see before eating, the thought was there I admit as to what others may think. We know people will be negative. Well so far I had no problem, but today I was approached my lead and another female surpervisor( a self proclaimed christian women). They had to let me know that a employee had brought up the fact a card with a picture of a cross (from Mt Rubidoux) I had above a cork board was offensive to them! I wasn’t told I had to remove it,but I was asked to reposition it. My office is located inside a enclosed area with a large glass window, within a warehouse and as people pass through the warehouse they can see my Cross! The size of a greating card at least twenty feet away! Of coarse when employees come into my office of coarse the get alot closer.
I guess there is no sense in being to upset we are told these kinda of things will happen and Its for that reason that I actually thank those who brought this up. It just confirms what we are told and strengthens my faith. I have prayed for them as well. I know that this is a very small insident in terms of what others have gone thru and our going thru as I sit safe in my home writing this, but for me and my still safe christian world I live in – it was very signifigant!

I thank you Jesus and pray for the strength to uphold myself at work as you would have me.

Today was a really good day! One that I am so greatful for. I have a needed a day like today for awhile.

I thank Jesus for the sermon today- I think alot of people do.
I have had my challenges for sometime, but the last 7 months have been expecially heart breaking. With my daughter and then dealing with things that she’s been through, and combining that with reactions/comment from inlaws. It has been kicking my ass. Throw in headaches fuzzyclouding ones or migraines, not being being real out going to start with and I have just been a mess. It would seem not growing spiritually “outwardly” atleast but I must be growing because if I did not believe in Jesus, well I wouldn’t being writing this write now and. I am still hurting a great deal but If I did BELIEVE I don’t think I’d be able to appreciate today.

In my times of sorrow I don’t forget the reality of Jesus and that “This to shall pass” but it doesn’t mean the way I feel isn’t real or the time it takes ME to heal is not acceptable or whatever it might be that causes the hurt isn’t justifable. The important thing is “To not forget Christ” and that he is working in me/he will work in me.

People tell me it’s that age oh she just being a teenager! Most don’t even have teenagers yet! Even when they do they may react differently. But right now for me and what I am experiencing. My heart is broken, I feel has if I mourning at times. Mostly at night, the day may have gone well, but I lay down to go to sleep and the realization that she’s not in the next room brings me to tears. Its hard not to think of all the things that could have been different, the times I could have been a little nicer to her, but there are things I wouldn’t do different and I don’t believe I should have. There are also the things that other people could have done differently or said differently. You know that would have been the “Christian thing to do”, but it doesn’t always work that way doesn’t? They may be so awesome to so many people ready to pray or listen to a brother or sister at the drop of a hat, but for whatever reason my daughter and I would be the exception to there awesome cristian walk.
I pray for more heart to be softened to this , I really need it.

Even with the sincere sorrow I have regarding my daughter and the hardness I have in my heart for “other people”, and probably will have for a little while yet!
I do believe there will be the day that Jesus has pulled me through it.

Thank you Jesus for a day that let me see the other side! and a sermon that comforted me.

Recently, It really had been hitting me- the desire to go back to school, and my husband has been expressing a desire for a career change as well. I have always tried to be encouraging of it school for my husband. But going to some vocational school and write away owing 30000. and just not being sure he would pick something he’d really want to do, has been discouraging for us both. For me I had different commitments that I had to consider, like the time away from my kid. But, we have both found are selves suddenly, and out of our control- without this commitment. So it really, really hit me and I began to start the enrollment process at RCC. I also am very happy to say I have my husbands on board with me. We planned a evening we would go together and take our assessments. On getting there we realized Marcus wouldn’t need to take it and I -well I had taken it a couple of years ago and wasn’t able to move forward at that time, but the test was final! So with good time we had were able to get information and speak to a counselor in that evening. The counslor was really great. He was an older man and kinda spoke slow and I admit I was like oh no !! but then he ended explaining what we needed to do for our AA and for Transfer credit. All in away that we never understood it! Even Marcus with having attended RCC and I might add he has a nice little jump start with the credits he has, Im so jealous. anyway even he was greatful for his explanation. He made it seem abtainable or possible! yah it will take awhile but we could do it. It just so happens that this is just in the nick of time to get in rolled for fall classes. The down fall is we already have a trip on the 6th and 7th that we have to pull money aside for and Marcuss’ job has had a few slow days. So of coarse it has to happen at once. We are also filling paper work for some grants. I really want Gods hands to be on this.
I feel that he is and that he will provide. It would be so awsome for my husband and I to have what we need for us both to sign up for a class (or 2). It will be tough , but I am so tired of putting this off.
When I think back of what I have always wanted to be since I was 11 or 12 it would be an archeolgist! Now I understand the different areas of anthropology! I love the stuff and I always have. Hay! Jeff remember when I found that big bone on Tyler street on the way from your house to the Mall??? and the roads were all dug up. I wish I would have kept it, but we were all go to the mall:-):-)

Anyway, I am excited. I pray the Lord opens the door for us to further our education. An education that can lead us to were he whats us and for us to become happier , better equiped people when we get there.

God Bless!
And if someone did read this –please pray for us!!!

Well, since I am new to blogging, and communicating.  I am going to use it to really put “where I come from” out there.

I want to write about memories I have not to do a poor me but more of a “I am really grateful to be where I am”.

You might read or hear of some peoples experamenting with drugs in high school or even occasionally Jr high.

Well not me, drug use came even earlier then that! and if it stunted my growth I am glad.

I recall with the assists of some older kids around attempting the fine art of smoking as early as

3 1/2 to 4 yrs old, and at  really giving a go at, not a consist everyday sort of thing but it would come up and continue to do so through out the years.

I began smoking marijuana nearly as young. When I was five I had taken my first attempt of inhaling. It became like a joke or funny for the older teens who where around to allow me to do this. I would pass the joints in large circles of teens, and was encouraged or just allowed to have my share as I passed it. I made my first deal in the fourth grade , it was my first but “dealing” wasn’t something I did do regulary. I continued to do this on and off “smoking marijuana” as a child -well as long as I was a child. In the different enviroments I lived there were generally alot of people around, and I became a little pot smoking buddy. Some people weren’t always comfortable with it – but it was allowed so they would go along with it.

I actually, was caught and kicked out school for possession in seventh grade.

At nine, I wanted to hang out with my brother and be cool to him , So I tried his chewy tobacco and this different experience ” inhaling gasoline” I think I did this twice. The first time maybe I didn’t do right it was nothing special,the second. I had an experience that was – well let me just say I knew it wasn’t right and I never did it again! very tripping.

When I 13, I had summer of mainly drinking with friends it was easier to get.

By the time 14 came I was Taking Acid – fairly often and again experimenting with new ways. Friends introduced me and other to Merazine a motion sickness pill, sold over the counter. With 12 or so pills in a pack and if you take them all you trip out, well again with this I did this a couple of times and again had trips that just weren’t right.

At 14 -15 1/2 I started to use speed.  Although, I haven’t used since I was 20 yrs. Alot of strange time had come in between those years , some drug induced and some not.

In between 20 and 27,I have had my times drinking,smoking pot and exstacy. Alot of these was just the drinking when I went out, but the other things did happen.

Although, we can not always be controlled or defined by ” OUR CHILDHOODS”, I believe it is not realistic to assume that it has no effect on being adults. Or for anyone person to suggest how long it should take another person to change behaviors that have been learned from it.

 Thank you JESUS!

I believe these two people have had influence on who I am, a small one, but there none the less.I like my old pictures so I thought I would throw it in there.